HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's, used, size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
'Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke , Slim, & I went for more ammunition. Backin an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
